Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
