somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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