Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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