So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
