You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
