"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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