did you get engaged???
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
