this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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