Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
