It's Friday. Sex?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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