I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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