I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Still dying that you shit outside
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
