The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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