Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
