their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
