Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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