I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
