hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
