What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
