Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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