no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize