I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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