just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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