I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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