the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
