now i know why i became what i already was.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
