Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
