It was confusing and full of hummus
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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