I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
