Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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