I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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