girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
