just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
