dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Damn victory sex feels great
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
