Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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