Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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