Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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