I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
