The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize