if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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