idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
