my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
