I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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