I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
