Even water is tasting like jack daniels
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
