My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
