I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
