On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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