I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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