Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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