Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
