so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
