You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
