So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
