thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
