You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
