whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
