Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
