so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
