Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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