Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
