I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
