Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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