guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
