Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
