OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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