My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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