please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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