You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
