you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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