last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blood and glitter go together right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
