I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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