I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
