I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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