apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
