i think my tv is drunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
