I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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