**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
